Jack Lawrence Michael Cox

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*

This website is dedicated to my special son Jack Lawrence Michael Cox. He was born too soon at 24
weeks and 6days gestation due to me having a weak cervix. He is a miracle... weighed only 1 pound 12
ounces (805 grams) but had the strength, courage and determination to be with us for 64 days 6 hours
and 40 minutes.
Born at Worthing Hospital on 23rd July 2006 at 10:15am and said goodbye on the 25th September 2006
at 16.55pm in the Oliver Fisher neonatal intensive care unit, Medway Maritime hospital, Gillingham,
Kent
He fought so hard to stay with us.
I will never forget you precious Love Mummy xxx

Having a weak cervix took more than my precious baby from me, it stole my hopes and dreams of
watching my beautiful baby boy grow up from a baby to a man, his first steps, first words, walks in
the park, feeding the ducks, teaching him to swim & ride a bike, his first day at school, need I go
on.
People say to me... "You’ll have another baby one day"- but it doesn't take my pain away... I
wanted Jack, he was my first-born, no one will ever take his place. I bonded with Jack for 8 months
- 6 whilst he was growing in my belly & 2months whilst he was alive. I miss him more than words can
say, time might be a great healer as people say, but time will never make my pain go away. I buried
my little angel on the 2nd October 06, and this is the day that part of my soul went with him...
until the day we meet again.


WOULD YOU??????

Would you let me talk about my baby that died?

Would your heart be open to all the sadness that’s still inside of me?

Would you listen as I would tell you of the joy he gave to me?

Would you want to hear about his sweet beautiful, perfect face,

His toes and fingers that were all there?

How I only got to hold him twice in 9 weeks?


Would you change the subject when I tell you about when I got him Baptized because I was told he was
dying?

That day he didn’t but after 6weeks of perfect head scans
I was told his close shave to death had given him extremely severe brain damage?

After another 3 weeks of Jack trying so hard it became to much for him & they took off all the wires
and tubes and said this time that his life truly was coming to an end?

Would your face change when I told you that in my arms, he died?

Would you get up and walk away from me if I just had to tell you more?

About the perfection I held in my arms for such a very, very short time.

The tears I cried could have made a river as I had to let him go

Would you help to wipe away the tears as I told you more?

About the months he’s travelled with me in my heart and in my mind

Would you hug me and just listen about the pain that I endured?

Would you just be there quietly open to all the feelings I may need to express?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you have passed the test So many others could
have failed and I would be alone, with no friend to share my special sons life.
I can’t and won’t forget him and I need to be able to talk about him.
He is very real and precious to me. He was a person just like you and me & was very much alive for
over two months.

*** LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ***

I'm going to tell you something
i hope youll never have to know
ill tell you how a heart can break
and tears can constantly flow
i lost my baby boy you see
an angel in my eyes
god chose to take his hand one day
and led him to the skys
but please do not forget my child
he was a person too
and forever he will live
inside of me and you
so please dont ever tell me
that time will heal my pain
because not even time
can bring him back again
just tell me that he is happy
in that land way up above
all snuggled in an angels wings
and wrapped in mummys love.


* * * * * * JACKS STORY * * * * * *

I had been with my boyfriend only 5months when I had the biggest surprise of my life (but the best
one for me) when on the 17th March I found out I was 6weeks pregnant! Wow 21 & expecting my first
baby I was so excited. My boyfriend was not intersted when i was pregnant, he would rather go out
with his freinds and party whilst i was left alone. I was upset but something more important than
him was in my life now & if he didn't want to be a part of this...... that was his choice.
After my 12 week scan I told everyone else my exciting news & started buying bits for my little baby
who I kept saying couldn't wait to meet not literally though!
I brought my own baby heart moniter & before i went to bed every night i used to chat away to Jack
whilst rubbing cocoa butter in to my rapidly expanding belly which sometimes woke him up! Then i
used to listen to his heartbeat on my moniter & hear him wiggling around in my belly. I really
enjoyed being pregnant & i knew i would be a great Mummy to my baby. I had my 20 week scan & was
told by the midwife I had one healthy little baby boy growing happily inside my belly, I was
ecstatic & started choosing boys names.
At around 22 weeks I started getting some aching pains every now & then around each side of my
stomach, I looked through my baby books I had loaned from the library & phoned some of my friends
who had had babies & came to the conclusion that I was experiencing round ligament pain which was
quite common in this stage of my pregnancy. at 24 weeks I started getting quite heavy discharge
which was jelly like with some old blood in it. I went to my doctors on Wednesday 19th July & asked
if it could be my show starting to come out. She said no it was far too early for that to be
happening & that light bleeding sometimes happened in pregnancy. She listened to Jacks heartbeat
took my blood pressure, & said that was fine & to go home & put my feet up. In the evening I just
didn't feel right the pains in my stomach were becoming more frequent & the discharge more jelly
like & bloodstained and i had serious back ache.
I told my mum I wanted to go to the hospital just to set my mind at rest so we went there. The
doctor examined me & agreed there was quite a lot of discharge but my cervix was closed. The doctor
took some swabs as she thought I may have an infection, she said to go home & to come back if I had
anymore problems. The results came back the next day showing i did not have an infection they said
it was common to get discharge during pregnancy due to hormonal changes.
On Friday 21st July I woke up & had a coffee, my back ache was terrible. I went to the toilet, as I
was sat on the toilet my show came out! This huge blob of bloody jelly I was horrified & screamed
for my mum. She took me straight to the hospital where a doctor examined me. As she was examining me
I could see her wiping up blood she looked up, her face very concerned and said "you are 2cms
dilated, labour has started and your waters are bulging out of your cervix" I was in total shock. No
way could this be happening She then said "I’m still quite junior so I’m going to get someone
more experienced to take a look at you. A consultant then came in and examined me & agreed with what
the doctor had said, I was told labour was imminent & that they were almost certain my baby would be
born that day, but they would try everything they could to stop my labour progressing. A mobile
scanner machine was brought in to the room and considering what was happening to my body Jack was
very comfy still in my tummy & not stressed at all. Steroid injections were given to me in my legs
to try to strengthen Jacks lungs before he was born and I was put on a drip to stop my contractions.
Nurses were rushing around getting equipment ready everyone really thought Jack was well on his
way.
Everything was such a blur I had paediatricians coming in explaining that if my baby was born alive
there was only a 20% or 1 in 3 chance he would survive, they said when he was born he would be taken
straight away from me put into a plastic bag to retain his heat and have lots of work being done to
him like a ventilation tube being put down his throat & drips in his veins. They were trying to
prepare a cot for Jack at a neonatal unit, as my local hospital doesn't deal with babies born as
early as Jack. My nearest neonatal unit was Brighton about 20 mins from where I live but there were
no cots available there so a cot had been prepared at The Oliver Fisher Neonatal Unit, Medway
Maritime Hospital in Gillingham Kent. They wouldn't risk taking me there in the condition I was
currently in, in case I gave birth in the ambulance, so I just had to sit tight. By Friday evening
my contractions had stopped, great I thought. I was put on strict bed rest, I was too scared to even
get out of bed for a wee - I was too scared to even stand up!
Saturday things seemed to be looking up still no contractions and when the doctor examined me he
said great your waters are no longer bulging out anymore, you are still a little dilated but labour
hasn't progressed any more. He spoke to me about the possibility of having a stitch put in my
cervix, but didn't want to do that at this stage as there was a risk of breaking my waters with the
stitch or just the fiddling around triggering my labour again so he said for now he was going to
take me off the drug that was stopping my contractions and see how things went.
That evening another paediatrician came to speak with me my mum & dad (who had come to visit) and
again went through what Jacks survival rate was etc. I went to sleep that Saturday night feeling a
little better knowing my waters weren’t bulging out any more but was still to scared to stand up.
I woke at 5.00am and went for a wee. My back was really really hurting I tried going back to sleep
only to be deafened by the woman in the next room giving birth (I had been kept in the delivery
suite since my admission) My back ache seemed to be getting worse & worse I buzzed for a nurse &
said I had bad back ache It didn't even cross my mind this was labour. The nurse brought me two
co-codamol painkillers & said give them 20mins to work, by 5mins I was rolling around on the bed in
agony. I called her back & said something wasn't right she told me to stay calm & went to get a
doctor. The doctor came in examined me & said I was 5cms dilated & my waters were bulging very much,
this was it she said no going back now he's on his way for real this time. "No No This cant be
happening" i kept saying, "i'm only 6 months pregnant he's not supposed to be here for another 3
months" but by the increasing pain i was experiencing i knew he was coming. I asked the nurse to
call my mum & dad they came along with my birthing partner Tasha.
A nurse had started me on Gas & air and when my mum, dad & Tasha had arrived I was in my own little
world talking no sense at all!
After five and a half hours of trying to give birth to something so precious when I knew I shouldn't
be at 24wks & 6days my little Jack was born at 10.15am on the 23rd July 2006. The midwifes had to
pierce my waters as they could see Jacks head behind them. As they pierced them Jack came surfing
out with them he actually cried! He sounded like a little lamb. He was given to the paediatricians
who had been called from Brighton Neonatal transport team to assist my delivery & take Jack to
Kent.
They were working on him & his crying stopped. Everyone was saying look at your baby he's gorgeous.
I was too scared to look at him I didn't know what to expect; I thought he was dead or dying. The
paediatrician stepped to one side so I could see him he was so small I couldn't believe my eyes! The
midwifes were saying oh what a feisty little man he is as he was grabbing everything he could in his
tiny hands.
The midwifes were trying to deliver my placenta "push" they were telling me, I cant I kept saying. I
was just fixated on my tiny little baby all these doctors and nurses were working on I just wanted
to take him off them & hold him in my arms I felt helpless. They soon wheeled him out of the room on
the resussataire to the special care baby unit to prepare him for his transfer to Kent. I was told I
could go & see him once they had sorted all his equipment out.
I couldn't believe what had just happened my poor helpless little baby he should still be in my
belly not have all these people sticking needles in him, i hadn't even been able to kiss him or give
him a cuddle.
Eventually at 15.00pm a nurse brought me some photos & said I could go & see him. When I saw him I
broke down in tears. He was so tiny but perfectly developed he had his daddy’s dark hair & cute
nose; he kept touching his little face with his tiny hands. The nurse explained what the equipment
was and why they were giving him certain drugs he had a low blood pressure but the drugs were
bringing it back up. She said I could open the incubator door. I was too scared to touch him at
first I thought I’d break him he was so tiny! I opened the door & stroked his head & put my finger
in his palm & he held my finger in his tiny hand & wouldn't let go. The nurse then told me to say
goodbye for now as they were taking him to Kent in the neonatal ambulance. I had to make my own way
there, thank god for my mum and dad as I really don’t know how I would of got there if they
weren't around.

When I arrived at the hospital in Kent to the maternity ward, they said Jack had arrived safe & well
& that as soon as the unit staff had settled him in we could go & see him.
It was horrible staying in that ward it was full of happy mums with their new full term babies
waiting for their partners to come & take them home. Why couldn’t of that been me I kept asking
myself.
The nurse soon came in & said we could go down & see him.
When we got in there I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I felt so much love for him I was so proud
of him, my little baby boy who was a part of me!The nurses told me that soon Jack would need some
milk & that breast milk was best for him so could I start expressing some for him. I was more than
happy to, if this was a way I could help my baby I would do it 24 / 7!
Mum & dad went home & I just sat with Jack staring at him for hours & asking questions about all
the beeps & alarms that kept going off on his equipment. The nurses were lovely, they explained
every piece of equipment, told me what the noises & alarms meant & answered any questions I wanted
to ask. Once I understood what all the sounds were I felt a little calmer. It got very late so the
nurses suggested I go rest. I spent a little more time telling Jack how much I loved him & that how
he was going to have to be my brave little soldier. I touched his little hand, said goodnight & went
back to my room on the ward to express some milk. It felt good to know I was doing something to help
my little boy. I went to sleep praying to God to look after him with a photo of him on my pillow.


Jack was such a fighter throuhout his 9weeks and 1 day on earth & tried so hard Due to his extreme
prematurity his immume sytem was non existant & if the slightest airbourne germ got into one of his
drips it could make him seriously ill. He fought so hard battling many severe infections that got
into his bloodstream, serious problems with his lungs (he was put on nitric oxide at one stage & he
was ventilated the whole 9 weeks and 1 day, apart from 2days on sipap but then got too tired so was
ventilated again.) He had blood pressure problems, had around 20 blood transfusions & 8 platelet
transfusions, many other complications with his blood gases etc & his heart stopped on many
occasions.
He had a pda - (open heart duct) this was quite common in premature babies & could usually be
treated with medication to close the duct. Unfortunately this was not the case with little Jack. He
had two different courses of medication to try and close his pda but they were unsucsessfull, The
duct can close by itself as babies get older but as Jack kept catching infections due to his non
existant immume system, this made it almost impossible as infections make the pda stay open. Surgery
was arranged for him to be transferred to the Royal Brompton Hospital, Knightsbridge, London to have
his open heart duct clipped closed. His operation had to be cancelled as he became too unstable to
transfer for his op. When he was 5 weeks old the doctors told me he had renal failure. He had
stopped weeing for 4days which made him very oedematous (puffy) his weight went from 1lb 12 to 3lb
3oz in 4days due to retained water. The potassium levels in his system were very high due to him not
urinating & this was poisening him & slowing his heart rate down. I was told my son had a few hours
to live as his heart rate had slowed down to 40-50bpm and stayed like this for 4hours the doctors
asked if i would like to have him taken off the ventilator so i could say goodbye properly. "Leave
him as he is" i said as i wouldn't accept at this stage what they were saying. I wanted Jack to be
Baptized so the nurses called the hospital chaplain & he was Baptized. I stayed with him talking to
him & praying to god & like a miracle as the night went on his heat rate slowly rised & he started
producing small amounts of urine, It really was like a miracle. He then went to the stage of
producing too much urine & the doctors had to start giving him potassium as it was now very low! His
oedeama went down after a few days but then the nurses started getting alot of nasty coloured
aspirates from his stomach. An x-ray was performed to confirm the doctors thoughts - a perforated
bowell, there was large amounts of gas in his abdomen wall. My poor baby he just got over one close
shave to death then this was happening to him.
Emergency surgery was arranged for Jack to be transferred to Kings College Hospial London.The
surgeon assesed Jack & said He had NEC. (an infection & perforation in the bowell, commen in
premature babies due to their immature digestive system) He had his Op which i was told he may not
survive but against all odds he did.
He had to have 2large holes in his stomach stitched & lots of other areas repaired as they were
about to perforate too, a part of his small intestine removed & he was left with a temporary stoma
too. Also for some time The doctors were having serious problems getting access into Jacks veins one
day he had no access for anything and they had to put a drip in to the bone marrow in his leg which
i was later told hadn't had to be performed in that hospital for 20 years. So he had a hickman line
(A drip going straight to a main artery in his heart) put in also. A heart scan confirmed Jacks
heart duct was still open. He had no infections at this stage & his heart was then scanned a week
later......His heart duct had closed! Great i thought we're finally taking a step forward.
Jack was doing well after his tummy op, i used to give him bed baths every day change his nappys,
moisturise his skin, exercise his joints so he didn't get stiff & sit with him all day every day,
the only time i left his side was to sleep & eat & if he was having a bad day i wouldn't even sleep
or eat i would just stay with him. I read him books every day since he was born. He recognised my
voice, he loved listening to me read to him it used to really relax him - he heard my voice
constantly whilst he was in my tummy so it was a comfort for him to hear me talking. I used to come
in to the unit first thing in the morning when he was asleep, i'd open his incubator door & stroke
his little nose & say "hello gorgeous" & he would open his eyes & look up at me & start wiggling his
arms & legs around. I even got a smile from him one day - i will treasure that memory for eternity
(along with all the other ones i have of him!)
Gradually a few weeks later Jack slowed down urinating again. He had been having regular routine
head scans since his birth and they had been perfect, not even any bleeds which most premature
babies have, but after his previous close shave with death & when his heart rate was very low
reducing oxygen to his brain & the duration of the time he had had infections it had caused him
severe brain damage - medical term: bilateral PVL. The doctors said he would be severely disabled &
probably blind. He was my baby & i would of loved him no matter what though so that was really not
an issue for me.
Jack was transferred back to The Oliver fisher Neonatal Unit Gillingham Kent where he had been cared
for since he was 5hours old. Jack once again reached 4 days with no urine at all. He became
extemelly oedeamatous again. He was leaking serous fluid from all his access points where his drips
were going in. There was one difference this time though - I could see my gorgeous baby boy was
getting really tired. He looked at me with his big blue eyes as if to say "mummy you have to let me
go, its time now" It was at this point i knew.
The Doctors told me on the same day - 25th September 2006 Jack was not going to recover & that they
had tried absolutely everything they could to try to make him better they even did one last scan of
his bladder & kidneys but his kidneys were not producing any urine at all.
His Kidneys had failed & no drugs were working. He was not responding to treatment anymore & had
been put on the highest dosage possible of morphine for pain relief. They asked my permission to
take Jack off his ventilator & advised me it was in his best interst to do this.
The nurse disconnected his drips & took him out of the incubator & gently placed him into my arms he
was too tired to even open his eyes.
I said my goodbyes & told him how proud of him i was to get this far so we got to know eachother &
how much i loved him & always would & cuddled him with my mum & dad for about an hour. (I had only
held him twice once aged 2weeks when his incubator was changed for 2mins, then once when he was very
poorly before that was for about half hour.)
The nurse then removed his ventilator & i took him to a bedroom on the unit and i cuddled him as he
died in my arms.
I then bathed him & dressed him in one of the outfits Nanna & Grandad brought for him for his 2
month birthday with a little hat, booties & mittens & a cosy dressing gown i brought for him.
I spent the whole night cuddling him & i will remember how he looked for the rest of my life, i see
the picture in my head now he looked just like he was sleeping. My baby at peace, free from pain
with no tubes or needles just asleep.

Jacks funeral was on the 2nd of October, he had a beautiful send off with two black stallions taking
him to the church in a polish glass carriage with mummy riding up front with the driver.
Both sides of his family attended to say their goodbyes to one special little man.
He was buried in a babies area at a cemetry close to my house. I have made it look lovely for him &
he has a beautiful headstone. He always has lots of fresh flowers & i visit his resting place
often.

I went through all this alone. I lived at 2 different hospitals alone, far away from home for the
9weeks and 1day of Jacks life (i couldn't of been anywhere else though). My parents came to visit at
weekends & Jacks dad & his family visited when they could.

Since Jacks death & i still feel the same pain, especially when his due date of 9th November passed
& then what should have been my first christmas with my baby Jack. The pain will never ever go away
i'm just learning to deal with it as best as i can. My sister, cousin & friend had healthy full term
babies within days of each other 2weeks after Jacks birth & seeing them reminds me of what could
have been.

I will cherish the time i had with Jack no one can take my precious memories away from me. I love my
baby Jack so much i miss him so much & i want him back. No one will ever replace him he is one in a
million.

**** NO LITTLE HANDS TO HOLD ****

No little hands to hold, No tiny feet to stroke,
No downy head to rest my lips, No tiny crib to rock.

No cradle in the room, No cry to break the night,
No mouth to suckle food from me, or gaze me in the eye.

My arms feel oh so empty, my aching heart does too
I longed to get to know you, And be a mum to you.

But now you are in heaven, My angel looking down
You should know how much i love you,
In this world of peace you have found.

But oh how i do miss you, My little miracle of life.

My light, My love, My heavenly dove,
My heart, My joy, My song,
You touched my life with beauty,
Though you werent here very long.

I do not hold you in my arms, You do now see me cry
Though in my heart you gave me hope, as the days went by

I have not said goodbye to you,for i know i will see you again,
In heavens perfect peace and grace
Until then i will NEVER forget.
xxx

Jack, I think of you on two occasions... all day and all night.
I will cherish the memories I have of our time together and I wanted to tell you how proud I am of
you, for your fight, determination and courage. You gave me the most wonderful 64 days of my life.
You were perfect in every way; I have never seen anything as gorgeous as you. You have taught me
more about life in your short time on earth, than what I would have learnt in a lifetime. You have
changed my life in so many positive ways. I miss you so much you are the bravest little boy in the
world. We will meet again gorgeous, and then we can make up for all the cuddles and kisses we missed
out on. Until that day, sleep tight baby boy I love you so much words cannot express it. You are
always in my thoughts and forever in my heart. Visit me whilst i sleep precious xxx

I can't reach out to comfort you or hold your tiny hand,
The precious dreams i held can't be for filled the way I planned,
Sometimes i say a little prayer in hope, perhaps I might,
Have one last chance to tuck you in before I say goodnight,
So much I would of shared with you but as we had to part,
There's just an empty silence echoes in my heart.


A reading from the bible which was read at Jacks funeral:

Psalm 139
Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
O Lord, you know it completely.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is so high that I cannot attain it.


Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night’,
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.


For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
I try to count them—they are more than the sand;
I come to the end—I am still with you.


O that you would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me—
those who speak of you maliciously,
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,

XXXX JESUS, IS HE WITH YOU? XXXX

Jesus is he with you?
I wonder every day
I sit and wonder why he's gone
And why he could not stay

Every part of me is empty
I feel I can't go on
But then I look to heaven
I hear this beautiful song

Mummy I am with him
He holds me in his arms
When ever I am with him
he keeps me safe and warm

He says you shouldn't worry
I am safe and loved right here
With all the other baby angels
that passed within the years

We have a special place up here
He thought that you should know
Where the Blessed Mother takes
your place for now until you show

When I hear this precious little voice
From the heavens up above
I know that all the angels
are showering him with love

For everyone that wants to hear
their babies voice so innocent and sweet
Just close your eyes and begin to pray
and embrace them in your sleep.


A BIG thank you to all the nurses Doctors & Consultants at The Oliver Fisher Neonatal Unit, Medway
Maritime Hospital, Gillingham Kent Who cared for Jack I will never forget you. xxx

Lisa - Thank you so much for everything you did for me & Jack It meant so much to me and my family
that you attended Jacks Funeral & that you spent very precious time with myself & Jack during his
last day of life. xxx

Jacks other favourite nurses Annette, Sally, Sonia & Jo Thank you for making Jack so comfortable
during his time in your care you're the best. xxx

Reverend Steve Spencer Thank you for the precious times you spent with Jack myself & my family & for
the lovely prayers you said for us. xxx

Also Mum & Dad Thank you for everything I couldn't of gone through this without you xxx


A tiny flower lent not given to bud on earth & bloom in heaven.

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby Jacks Birth, then whispered as they closed the book
he's far too beautiful for earth.

*** JACKS SMILE! ***

Although Jacks smile has gone forever & his hand i cannot touch,
I still have so many memories of the one i love so much,
His memory is my keepsake with which i'll never part,
God has him in His safekeeping, i have him in my heart.
Sadly missed but never forgotton.

*** WHAT SORT OF A MAN WOULD MY SON GROW TO BE ***

What sort of man would my son grow to be?
The image of his dad, or would he imitate me?
On the journey he’d take from baby to man,
What changes would he go through in that span?

Would he skin his knees and get a fat lip?
Would he climb tall trees or fall from a trip?
Would he sink like a stone, or swim like a fish?
To see my boy grow is all that I wished.

Like every mother I’m proud of my son,
There was no other like him, not even one,
He was as hard as nails and fought like a bear,
And it’s hard to believe that he’s no longer here.

My son is my hero; he fought tooth and nail,
But as the end came he just was too frail,
Though his life was short, it achieved huge things,
But his death still hurts and his absence still stings.




Enjoy the delights of heaven my sweetheart - as it was made for perfect angels just like you.

I have also made a Montage for Jack at onetruemedia. Please email me for the link if you would like
to view it.

If any friends or family would like a set of Jacks framed foot and hand prints as seen in the
gallery they are available from a company called 'First Touch Tiles' - Their telephone number is:
01435 868286. They will keep Jacks impressions for a year, so if u would like a set give them a call
with Jacks details - full name, d.o.b & tell them the impressions were taken on 25/09/06. They take
a little while to be made but are well worth the wait.

Whilst you are here please feel free to light a candle for Jack & write him a special message. Only
short messages can be written with the candles but longer messages can be written in the tributes
and condolences section. Thank you.



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November 2008:

At the end of September 2008 i found out i was expecting my second child. My boyfriend Daniel and I
were very excited. I had been getting some light bleeding from 8 weeks onwards which worried me and
had been going backwards and forwards to the hospital. Sadly at 10 weeks i Miscarried my second
child. We were both devastated but this was obviously natures way of saying something was not right
early on. I'm sure my little Jack has found our baby bean and they are in heaven together now.I love
you both lots and wish things could have been different - Daniel would have been a great daddy to
you Jack, and to you too baby bean. All my love Mummy.

December 2008:

I had fallen pregnant straight after my last miscarriage the doctors said it was probably too soon
after loosing the baby in November and the embryo wouldn't of had a good lining of my womb to
implant into and sadly this little bean did not stick either and went to heaven at 5 weeks.
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UPDATE September 2009.

Daniel and i are expecting another baby. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and yesterday had an
operation to put a stitch in my cervix to prevent our child being born premature like my little
Jack. If only they knew this then.
I know my baby Jack and bean were watching over us thats why we were kept safe all my love to you
and mummy loves and misses you soooo much xxx

UPDATE November 2009.

I'm now 25 weeks pregnant - have passed my milestone and got past that dreaded 24 weeks and 6 days.
We are expecting a little girl. Thank you Jack for watching over your baby sister. I really wish
things could of been different and you could be here to share all of this with us. I love you so
much words cannot describe. Stay close to mummy forever xxx

*** WHAT IS DYING? ***

A ship sails and i stand watching till she fades on the horizon
and someone at my side says "she is gone"
Gone where? gone from my sight, that is all;
She is just as large as when i saw her,
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her,
and just at the moment when someone at my side says "she is gone"
There are others who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up a glad shout,
"Here she comes!"
And that is dying.

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To Mummy From Heaven

Mummy, don't cry, 'cause God is holding my hand
and telling me everything is OK.

Mummy, God said that I will never want for anything
and I will still feel your love all the way up here.

Mummy, you should see me,
I am running and playing with God's other children.

Mummy, guess who helps watch over us while we play?
They are God's Helping Angels!

Mummy, I'm not afraid, my great grandpas and grandma are here.
They came to me when it was dark and held my hands;
then we went to God's bright light,
where Angels were singing.

Mummy, God said, If you feel sad, to remember this;
I'll be the gentle breeze that brushes your face,
the sun is my smile and the rain is me washing away your pain.

Mummy, I have to go now.
I send you all my love on the wings of an Angel.

xxx

To my mummy

To someone I’m forgotten
To others just the past,
But to you who loved and lost me,
My memory will always last.

I’ll always be there with you,
So watch the sky at night
Find the brightest star gleaming
That’s my halo shining bright!

You’ll see me in the morning frost
That mists your window pane
That’s me in the summer showers
I’ll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That’s me! I’ll be there,
Kissing you on the nose.

When you see a child playing,
And your heart feels a little tug
That’s me too! I’ll be giving
Your heart a hug.

So Mummy please don’t look so sad,
Mummy don’t you cry,
I’m in the arms of loved ones now
And they’re singing me lullabies.